In between Goodbye and Death

I have so much to say, yet no words come out. Of course, it is the first time in weeks that I am trying to get them out.

Have you ever felt something so deeply that you wanted to share?

Have you ever felt it and then been unable to put it into words?

I’m sure most of us have, but the putting it into words thing just isn’t something most of us dwell on.

My mother hovers on the brink of death. She is so far away physically, but she feels so close emotionally – in my heart. So close that I can almost feel my arms around her.

I am so torn. I want so much to go visit her, and it is possible. As costly and time consuming as it might be, I know that once I am there I won’t regret it. Because life is for the living, and if I can give her any comfort then it would be worth it. Better than spending money on a funeral.

Oh, but the timing. But when is it ever good? Worrying about the kid’s schooling, and their missed work… Is that a real reason or an excuse?

I did say goodbye to her in August when we were there. And it was a good serious goodbye.

But maybe she is waiting to see me one more time before she lets go? How do I know if I would agitate her or comfort her?

And family… Some of them so noble and giving, loving and comforting.

I pray that she is peaceful and comforted. I pray that she is without pain, and at rest.

Would you pray, too?


20121128-012451.jpg

This is the castle in the little town where my mom was born.

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3 Comments on “In between Goodbye and Death”

  1. Lori, I’m so sorry to hear about this! Will certainly be praying for comfort and peace – for both of you – and wisdom for you to know whether to visit.

  2. Tammy says:

    Praying, Lori. For your mom and you!!

  3. Lori says:

    Thank you Elizabeth and Tammy. As natural and expected as it is, it is still so very hard


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